


sunrise(z)

by 101crumbs



Category: WEi (Korea Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mentions of Past Depression, Pining, Strangers to Lovers, producer!Seungyoun, prompter i'm sowy, seungyoun is whipped, singer! yohan, unnecessary hamilton references, woogyulcat if you squint, yohan has a lot of monologues and we love him for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25544701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/101crumbs/pseuds/101crumbs
Summary: Seungyoun's life changes on a Monday morning, with a cute boy with tiny hands and the most enchanting eyes he has ever seen walking into the meeting room.Perhaps, Seungyoun is whipped.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Kim Yohan, Han Seungwoo/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36
Collections: Different Pools Fic Fest





	sunrise(z)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #91:
> 
> Seungyoun's dreams finally come true when he's tasked with producing the debut album of Oui Entertainment's newest soloist. He was expecting the stress, low pay, and clashing of ideas between him and the company. He wasn't expecting Yohan and the way his heart flipped when they first met.
> 
> Enjoy!

Seungyoun had a plethora of dreams when he was young. First, he wanted to study abroad, then it was to be a soccer player, and finally, to make music.

That one was proving itself to be a little bit harder than the rest. It’s not that he isn’t talented— he likes to believe he is, but life is a little hard as well.

After all, he is only 25. Not people supporting him from behind, no big company he wanted to be scouted in. No. He only wants to make music, as raw as that could sound. 

“Should I apply? I mean... they are desperate enough to look out for producers with public announcements,” Seungyoun says, going over the online offer he had found the day before. “You know most companies don’t do that anymore. Besides that, it’s a small one, it shouldn’t be as hard as with the rest, right?”

“You should totally try,” Seungwoo responds from the other side of the line, his voice resounding on the younger’s bedroom thanks to the speakers. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“They don’t accepting me? Someone calling to say that I should have forty-three referrals before sending my resume again?”

“Seungyoun.”

“Low payment and stressing extra hours just because an artist got picky about his song being too high-pitched when they absolutely wanted it that way in the first place? A douche—”

“Shut up and apply, dumbass,” the older cuts him off. “Or else I’ll send in it on your behalf. Send them the demo we talked about last week. They’ll definitely love it”.

“Hm. See ya, hyung.”

He ends up applying, even to his own surprise.

  
(And, _unsurprisingly_ , as Seungwoo says, he actually gets chosen.)

* * *

Seungyoun almost feels like an elementary student on his first day. Seungwoo came to his house, prepared his clothes and his lunch, and gave him a pat on the back before sending him off.

But he actually needed that, so he can only muster a small “thank you” before going into the cab. 

Being in front of the company is a little more overwhelming than he thought it would be, so he thanks anyone above him that there is a coffee shop close by. Coffee is the second best thing to calm down his nerves— the first one is music, but it’s kind of hard to think about it when the reason he is feeling this nervous is about music at the same time.

A cup of coffee and five minutes of wandering around makes Seungyoun feel confident enough to go back. Maybe a text from Seungwoo helps, too.

> **Your music is the best thing to ever happen on earth. Don’t forget.**

Seungyoun laughs a little bit, nodding as if the other could see him before going inside.

He is taken to a small room, where they ask him to wait for a few minutes. He uses that time to take a look around, staring at the walls and the paintings on them.

It’s pretty for a small company. Prettier than the room he was taken to when he worked with Hangyul.

Seungyoun smiles, thinking about teasing Hangyul the next time he sees him.

“Cho Seungyoun, right?”

He quickly stands up, bowing politely to the smaller guy in front of him.

“I’m Wooseok. Kim Wooseok, the artist’s manager. He’s not gonna join us today because of a photoshoot, but he’ll be here on a week so you two can properly meet each other.”

Kim Wooseok. He looks kinda serious to Seungyoun’s liking, but he can manage that.

After the mandatory handshake, both of them already sitting down, talking about schedules, payment, and all that stuff Seungyoun hates to deal with, it actually hits him. He is gonna work for a soloist.

Maybe he lets himself feel a little proud.

“You’re gonna work with Yohan, Kim Yohan. He’s younger than us, and maybe he will look like a lost kid the first time you meet him, but I assure you that he is a fast learner. I’m looking forward to your chemistry.”

The meeting ends up quite quickly, and Seungyoun soon finds out that Wooseok isn’t as scary as he looked the first time he saw him. Maybe it’s because they are both the same age, but he kind of feels he can be comfortable around him.

The only thing he can do is hope that he can also feel comfortable around the artist, whenever he meets him.

(He ends up feeling more than that.)

* * *

“Yohan will be here any minute,” Wooseok says the next time Seungyoun meets him. “He spilled strawberry juice on his shirt, so he needed to get changed before coming in.”

Seungyoun raises an eyebrow at that, laughing softly but nodding in response.

As Wooseok takes a seat on the oval-shaped table, Seungyoun cannot help but feel his curiosity reaching its peak level.

He taps the table with his fingers, thinking about how he spent about three hours looking out for information about the soloist, but he was surprised that he found nothing. Not even a single post from any fanbase, not a single Instagram post with rumors, nothing.

He has to give the agency some credit for hiding their trainees that well. 

“Hi! My name is Yohan and I’ll be OUI’s new soloist. I hope you take really good care of me!”

Both Wooseok and Seungyoun turn to the door, the latter smiling and excited to meet an artist that, hopefully, he will be happy to work with.

The first thing he catches a glimpse of is his hands, which can only be described as tiny. He looks up to the other’s face and—

_Fuck._

As cliché as it sounds, his heart actually stops when his eyes meet the other ones.

A shiver runs through Seungyoun’s body. It’s small, unnoticeable, yet he’s afraid everyone else in the room can hear the way his heart is beating at the moment.

He tends to exaggerate, he knows that— hell, Seungwoo complains at him for that reason almost three times a week, but he knows he’s not exaggerating right now.

He’s both amazed and terrified.

Something has to be really wrong with him if he’s that ready to fall down on his knees for someone he just met.

Trying to act normal, Seungyoun smiles as politely as he can, nodding and doing whatever he can to avoid looking into the younger’s eyes. Probably that’s not really polite, but Seungyoun guesses it is better than the alternative: asking Yohan to marry him on the spot.

Apparently, there was a good reason why Seungwoo always told him he was the epitome of a panicked gay.

After one of the most awkward introductions he has ever had— they handshake, Seungyoun trying a little too much to look composed and confident. Even when he tries not to, he ends up looking directly at Yohan’s eyes more frequently than he would have to.

And, every time he does, he feels a shiver run through his body.

He may be a little bit too lost.

A few minutes go by, Seungyoun barely understanding whatever Yohan and Wooseok are saying. Wooseok must be saying something funny, if the giggle Yohan is letting out now is any indication of it.

No one should look cute while doing the bare minimum. 

_Who on earth allowed this Yohan to giggle?_

“I want to keep talking, but I think I should leave you to it, Seungyoun. Yohan has been pretty excited about meeting the producer of his album. So I’ll let you take over.”

Right, music. That is the reason he is here for.

Pushing every weird thought to the back of his head, Seungyoun turns over to the soon-to-be soloist, trying to ignore the way his heart starts to act up.

“Do you have any request as to what you’d like to put in the album? I’d love to hear that.”

He really shouldn’t have asked.

That was definitely a bad idea, because Yohan tilts his head in the cutest way possible, looking as lost as a stray dog can be. Or a bunny? Well, whatever it is, it causes Seungyoun’s heart to do some contemporary dance on his chest, and that is not pretty professional, if someone asks him.

It gets even worse when Yohan bites his lower lip, eyebrows furrowing in deep thought for a few seconds. Again, no one should be allowed to look this cute when thinking. Seungyoun thinks it’s unfair.

“I… I know this may not be a great idea,” Yohan looks at Wooseok for approval and only continues when the other one gives him a little nod. “But I’d like to write a song on my own. I have a general view of what I want on it, and I know we may not have the time, but I want to get to the point where I can compose too. And I think this could be a good start.”

Contrary to the puppy look on his eyes, Yohan looks quite serious. It makes Seungyoun wonder if there’s more to what he can see right now.

And that is definitely something he shouldn’t be thinking about.

Seungyoun swallows, pondering the idea for a few seconds. He doesn’t think he can actually deny something the artist wants— as long as the company is okay too, but even if that wouldn’t be the case, he’s not really sure he could handle saying no to a pair of eyes like those.

“I mean, we could try?” he starts off. “Let me propose something. We’ll try, and if it doesn’t work, we can look out that is already on store, okay?”

He really shouldn’t have said that either, because the way Yohan looks at him, the way he smiles, and the way his eyes seem to get really excited about it, makes his heart drop the contemporary dance only to do some b-boying instead. Fuck.

(Yohan ends up being extremely good at writing.)

* * *

“You’re whipped.”

“I’m not.”

Seungyoun genuinely thinks he’s not. In fact, he thinks he has been pretty much under control after what he calls a little slip.

Which was really nothing, if anyone asks him.

Seungwoo laughs, throwing the mini basketball’s ball onto Seungyoun’s head, the younger hating the fact that he can feel the other’s I-know-it-all type of stare on him.

“Seungyoun, I know you. You ARE weak for him. This is the most I’ve heard you talk about any artist you worked with. Since Hangyul, and if I remember correctly, you didn’t talk about him the way you do with this child.”

Seungyoun stays silent for a few seconds.

Well, he _is_ talking a lot about Yohan, but the only reason why is because Yohan is a person anyone would have to say a lot about.

During the first three weeks of working with him, he has learned a lot of things from him.

He has learned that, even though Yohan needs caffeine first thing in the morning, he rathers drink something with strawberries on it, and then add a caffeine shot.

That actually helps them get to talk more. It was on a Wednesday when Yohan and he got to the front door of the company at the same time, and Yohan decided to take him to the nearest coffee shop, saying he needed his morning boost so that he could make the perfect lyrics for his song. It was cute how Yohan blushed when Seungyoun laughed at his smoothie.

He has also learned that Yohan is really good at everything he does. Whether it is singing, rapping, or doing music, Yohan is a fast learner, just as Wooseok described. Seungyoun appreciates that a lot.

He has also learned that Yohan has two little sisters who he is totally smitten for. It doesn’t matter that he is working on something— if any of his sisters call, he will drop everything to answer.

The first time this happens Seungyoun is left in the room with a sentence unfinished, looking at Wooseok in hope that he can explain to him what just happened.

The smaller guy only shakes his head.

“The only times I have seen him disappear is when his family calls. He’ll be back, don’t worry.”

He has also learned that Yohan is cute. Extremely cute. Effortlessly, extremely cute.

But Seungwoo doesn’t need to know that.

Going back to reality, he pushes those thoughts to the back of his head. 

“Drop it. I’m not weak for Yohan.”

(That is to say, he hopes he’s not. Having the hots for the artist you work with breaks all professional boundaries, and his producer ego is too big to let himself make a rookie mistake like that.

The feeling will go away eventually, he is sure about that.)

* * *

The feeling does not go away.

“Hyung.”

Seungyoun thinks Yohan should not be allowed to call him like that. It makes his heart do some activity besides pumping blood, and that can’t be good. Like playing soccer or something. Not really good for his health, if anyone asks him.

“Hyung.” Yohan repeats himself, and Seungyoun finally turns around to look at him “I can’t get it right. There’s something missing, I don’t know what, but there is.”

And then he _pouts_.

Ignoring the way his heart definitely is playing mini-football with the rest of his organs inside of his chest, Seungyoun moves to see the other’s lyrics. Yohan wouldn’t let him read it in the beginning ( _It’s embarrassing, hyung. You’re a top producer and this is too bad. You’ll laugh_ ), but he got used to it now.

It actually took a week for him, and Wooseok, to convince Yohan that the lyrics he wants to write need to be seen in order to create a song out of those.

Yohan is stubborner than Seungyoun initially thought.

Yohan’s lyrics, and the song he wanted for those lyrics, are… cute, but in a way that Seungyoun couldn’t have predicted.

On their second meeting, Yohan said he wanted to talk about a dream. Seungyoun had expected another inspirational song, the one that anyone adds onto their cheer-up playlist on Melon.

Well, he was wrong.

_“I want it to talk about reality, hyung. About how you may think your life is supposed to go somewhere and it hits you.”_

He told him that at the third meeting. And so, Seungyoun got ready for a ballad.

He should have known better.

Yohan didn’t want a ballad, nor a rap. Yohan wanted it all on one song.

_“I want the song to be as life is, hyung. Unpredictable, but always good in the end. I want to show that, even if it looks like your dreams are done and you can’t leave that dark place your mind put you into, there’s something better out there. I want everyone to know that you can get sad, you can cry, but you should never stop looking out for dreams. And that a new dream can be anywhere, even at a coffee shop with a cat-looking person who says you should be an idol.”_

Seungyoun stops remembering their fourth meeting as he gets closer to the soon-to-be idol. And it doesn’t take long for him to see the problem.

Yohan’s sheet is full of scribbles, the pen digging deep into the paper so hard it is about to break.

Seungyoun only takes five seconds to decide his course of action, the frustrated face on Yohan being all he needs to be sure.

It’s time for an inspirational backup plan, something Seungyoun himself uses when he feels that a melody is not coming out of his mind. Or veins.

“Come on. We are going out.”

“Eh?” Yohan looks at him like a lost puppy. His heart starts dancing some choreography he saw on the Hamilton musical this time.

“I have a plan. Come with me.”

“B-but we have to work!”

“We will,” he promises, grabbing his coat and walking fast, Yohan clumsily following. “Part of my job is to take care of the inspiration that lives inside you, you know.”

They end up going to the zoo. 

Seungyoun makes sure to buy the tickets, food, and drinks so that Yohan doesn’t have to spend a single penny on them. He has to promise he’ll let the younger return the favor, but he gets him to accept easily. 

Seungyoun hates that his mind is playing tricks on him, wondering if that’s how it would be if they would go out on an actual date.

Then again, he is certainly not weak for Yohan, so he forces himself to go back into his professional mode. After he convinces Yohan to wear a bunny headband, of course.

“Hyung,” he complains, even though he’s not taking them off. “These are for children.”

“Exactly,” he bickers in response, his laugh only growing louder when Yohan hits his arm.

Seungyoun loves animals, and soon enough he finds out Yohan does too. Yohan forms a perfect ‘o’ with everything they see, from the aquarium to the parrot that repeats his words. Everything seems to surprise him, and there’s a part of Seungyoun, just a tiny part, that wants to show him the whole world.

But that’s a weird thought to have at 4 pm, so he pushes that thought out of his head.

The zoo is almost empty, just as in any regular weekday. Seungyoun likes it better that way. That way, Yohan has all freedom possible to walk, run, and even approach the animals without children, or their parents, bothering them.

Yohan is full of light. It is to the extent that Seungyoun has a hard time imagining him in any other mood that is not overflowing with happiness.

Seungyoun knows he shouldn’t ask, but it’s hard not to do so when the question is right on his tongue. He can’t bring himself to ask it, though. Even if it wouldn’t make him break boundaries in a very unprofessional way, he’s more afraid of it breaking his own boundaries.

His curiosity is kept at bay for another hour; until they see a baby lion. Yohan giggles softly at it, and he looks so happy, so full of life, his eyes shining with joy contained, that Seungyoun cannot help but open his mouth.

“How come you want to talk about a dream shattering when you are like _this_?”

Yohan turns around immediately, eyebrows furrowed in concentration for a few seconds before he understands the meaning behind those words. Seungyoun is about to apologize for bringing the topic up when he signals to the picnic area ahead of them.

“Let’s go down there,” he says. “I want to rest for a little bit.”

Seungyoun is not sure if that’s the answer he was looking for, but he nods.

Once they settle down, Yohan takes a large sip of his drink— strawberry smoothie, as Seungyoun heard from Wooseok it was his favorite.

They stay silent for what feels like an hour before Yohan finally says something.

“I grew up doing taekwondo, but you know that already,” he starts, Seungyoun looking at him attentively. Yohan smiles at that. “My dad is a taekwondo master, my little sisters practice it as well. It was completely natural for me.”

Seungyoun wonders if Yohan felt about taekwondo the way he did with soccer.

“Taekwondo was the biggest love of my life if I can use the expression. Until three years ago.”

Seungyoun can hear the way Yohan’s voice changes, getting deeper, darker. Maybe it was not a good idea to ask that question.

“The doctors said it was an ankle ligament injury. Eventually, they said I couldn’t do taekwondo anymore. It was… hard, to say the least.”

Seungyoun forms a perfect ‘o’ with his mouth, his hand clenched tightly, nails almost digging into the skin. He’s not really sure why, but he can almost feel the pain in his words. His heart aches.

“I had my whole life planned, you know? It wasn’t just that I trained a lot to get where I was. I was _good_. Like, medal-worthy good. I was one of the elite if I can brag a little bit. I still remember the moment where the doctors said I couldn’t go back to any competition… I think nothing had ever hurt me more than that.”

Seungyoun scoops closer to Yohan without even realizing it.

“I hated my life for about six months after that. I was in… well, I guess it was kind of a dark place. I dropped college, I stopped seeing my close friends because they were all related to taekwondo, I dropped every other thing I enjoyed doing because it felt wrong to enjoy something after what I lost.”

“That was, until I met Wooseok hyung.”

Seungyoun tilts his head a little bit, Yohan smiling at the other’s confusion. Seungyoun tries not to focus on the way his heart basically flies at that.

This is supposed to be sad, goddamit.

“It was a Saturday morning, and I remember going to a little cafe shop close to college. They sell one of the best smoothies I have ever tried,” he says, his hand tracing patterns on the grass. “I sat down to drink while I thought about life and, suddenly, someone approached me to give me a five-minute talk, or so he said.”

Seungyoung can actually imagine Wooseok doing that.

“He blatantly said I should be an idol. And I was like… _hello_ to you too? But he kept going and god, he was so annoying. He still is.” Yohan looks down to his drink, shaking his head lightly.

“The five-minute talk turned out to be an hour long. And I have to admit, he was really persuasive. He gave me his card and I went back home to do some research, wondering if I would even have the will to do the things idols do.”

“I think it took me about a week to call him. I made up my mind when I saw a post where a lot of netizens discussed mental health issues. There were a lot of comments saying how they gained strength from idols. There was this one particular comment… I clearly remember that person saying a vlive from their favorite idol was like a cozy blanket after a bad day, that it all gets smaller because they could feel someone helping the, even from a distance.”

“I wanted to be someone that can help people like that. I thought I helped people when I taught them taekwondo, but I could make people smile from a different angle as well. I thought maybe, just maybe, my voice could soothe someone to sleep too. So here I am.”

Seungyoun is rendered speechless for a couple of minutes, not wanting to speak at all. He’s scared his voice might fail him if he does.

“I think…” he finally says, voice unsure, Yohan looking at him with a bright smile on his lips. “I think that’s a beautiful reason to be an idol.”

“Wait, I also love singing and dancing. And rapping!”  
  


“I know you do. But I still think that’s a great reason to be an idol. To say the truth, I was not expecting less from you.”

Yohan looks at him in confusion, definitely trying to decipher what he meant. Seungyoun dismisses the topic, standing up and offering his hand to help the other to do so.

“Should we get going, now?”

He pretends his heart doesn’t skip a bit when Yohan takes his hand.

(Yohan doesn’t write anything else that day, but it’s totally worth it when he thankes him softly after they call it a day. It’s totally worth it, as well, when gets a text message five hours later.

> _**Hyung, I did it! Thank you, you are the best. <3**)_

* * *

> To: Seungwoo hyung.
> 
> **Ok, maybe i’m weak.**
> 
> From: Seungwoo hyung.
> 
> **Ding ding ding!**
> 
> To: Seungwoo hyung.
> 
> **I hate you so much.**

* * *

It is, actually, the first time Seungyoun has feelings over someone he works with. He knows it’s not something unusual in this type of industry, but to be honest, he always thought it was a little bit unprofessional. Seungwoo would always remind him that love follows no rules, but Seungyoun thought that was just a cliche people say.

His lack of love life was enough proof of that.

But every time he sees the younger, every time they talk, every time he sends him a text, his heart continues acting up.

Seungyoun guesses there’s just something about Yohan.

About the way he looks up with a wide smile when he gets a note right on piano, because _yes,_ Yohan asked him to teach him how to play piano as well; about the way his eyes literally shine when he gets a compliment; or about the way he talks.

To Seungyoun, Yohan resembles music itself. You can never go away from it, you can never forget it. And, like a good song, it rings on your head all day long sometimes.

Like with a good song, Seungyoun feels himself falling head over heels. Just like Eliza in that song from the Hamilton musical he got obsessed with.

Yohan got him helpless.

It doesn’t matter, he repeats himself.

It’s not like he’s gonna do something about it.

He is a professional producer, for god’s sake. 

(The only problem? He wants to do something about it.)

* * *

Seungyoun finds himself breaking his own boundaries every day. It doesn’t help that opening to Yohan is proven to be easier than he thought. It happens smoothly when Wooseok stops supervising them.

(“Where’s Wooseok?”

“Nah, he’s not coming,” Yohan shrugs, “He said he realized how comfortable I am around you now, so he doesn’t feel the need to babysit anymore.”

Yohan feels _comfortable_ around him.

He really should go get his heart checked.)

* * *

Yohan looks serious today, Seunyoun thinks. Which is, actually, a little odd. He’s not used to seeing Yohan in any other mood that is not as bright as the sun.

Welp, maybe the metaphor wasn’t necessary, but that’s how Seungyoun sees him. As the sun. And as something between a puppy and a bunny, but it’s not like someone has to hear that. Ever.

Seungyoun sits, making sure to be noisy, and it’s only then when Yohan realizes that he already arrived at the studio. He smiles, but the smile looks so unnatural to Seungyoun that he wants to say something.

Seungyoun bites his tongue, keeping his mouth shut.

He doesn’t think it’s his place to ask.

So they set up to work, that being the day when they are supposed to do the final check to Yohan’s song.

The answer behind the younger’s mood comes by about an hour later, when they take a break since Yohan can’t focus at all.

Yohan stares at him for about five minutes straight before opening his mouth.

“Hyung, have you ever been through something like my thing with taekwondo? Where you ever that low in life?”

The question is, to say the least, unexpected. And Seungyoun knows he probably shouldn’t answer. Professional boundaries and all that stuff. He is fully aware of that.

But he also hates to see Yohan anything else but happy, and if this is one of the ways he can use to distract him, then he doesn’t really mind trespassing professional boundaries.

So he doesn’t stop himself.

“I have.” He answers, turning on his chair so that he can rest his arms on the keyboard. “It was… I don’t remember on which year exactly, but it was after I decided I wanted to do music. You see, every other dream I had was a little bit easier than this one.”

Yohan tilts his head, and Seungyoun is sure he is wondering about the other dreams he had. He shakes his head. That story can wait.

Yohan bites his lower lip, pouting lightly, and Seungyoun tries as hard as he can not to stare a lot.

“So there I was, 19, no more studying abroad because I was over that dream. No more soccer because I wanted to stop that too. No backup, only my mom and I. I think what made me go through ‘it’ as you call it was that I stopped trusting myself.”

Seungyoun looks down, choosing to focus on how the keyboard changes its colors with each second.

He takes a deep breath before continuing.

“I think I hated myself for a whole year.”

He can see, on his peripherical vision, how Yohan blinks twice. He probably didn’t expect it to go that way.

“What did you do?”

His voice is low, like he’s scared to ask.

“I turned that all into a song.”

Yohan remains silent for a while, and Seungyoun assumes he’s gathering his thoughts.

“Can I listen to it?”

He looks at Yohan, surprise all written on his face. He regrets that seconds later, since Yohan looks discouraged with the look on Seungyoun’s face. Yohan shakes his hands, apologizing and repeating how it was not appropriate for him to make such request.

As Yohan stutters something else, Seungyoun finds himself pondering the question. Maybe it’s not a bad idea. Sure, no one besides Seungwoo has ever listened to it, not even Hangyul or Dohyonnie; but, for some weird reason, Seungyoun wants to trust Yohan on it.

Scratch that.

  
Seungyoun _trusts_ Yohan already.

“It’s fine.” He says, stopping Yohan from apologizing for the nth time. “You can listen to it, it’s fine”.

One minute later, after Seungyoun dug through all the random files he has on his laptop, ‘Meaningless’ fills the silence on the room.

Yohan closes his eyes as soon as the song starts, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as if he would be feeling it, instead of listening to it. Seungyoun finds himself breathing nervously at that. He feels in highschool again, waiting for his teachers to grade his homework.

Although he finds that, unlike in high school, he needs Yohan to love the song just as much as he does.

Closing his eyes as well, Seungyoun thinks back about the way things changed in a couple of years. Yes, maybe he isn’t The Producer— as Seungwoo says he _will_ be, but he’s way much better than before.

He likes himself a lot now.

He’s happy.

Suddenly, as the second chorus ends, he feels something he is not supposed to.

(Something he felt once in a dream, but that is a secret.)

Seungyoun opens his eyes, just in case that his mind is playing tricks on him and—

Oh.

Yohan grabbed his hand.

_Oh._

Yohan is intertwining their fingers. Yohan is caressing his hand with his thumb.

Seungyoun gulps a little bit, and the backflips on his heart are stronger this time. He tells himself that the only reason Yohan is doing that is because of the sadness he can read through the song. Yeah. Pity, that must be the reason.

Eventually, the song ends and Yohan’s hand stays still, but he doesn’t let go. Seungyoun wonders what should he do now, and when he opens his eyes, he gasps in surprise.

There is a single tear falling from Yohan’s eyes.

Something snaps on him and, next thing he knows, he is leaning down to clean it with the hand that Yohan isn’t holding. He does is as delicately as possible, as if he is afraid of hurting Yohan.

Maybe he thinks he can break the younger.

Yohan chooses that exact moment to open his eyes, blushing at the sight of Seungyoun.

_Cute._

“I’m sorry,” he stutters, and Seungyoun is confused. Why is he even apologizing for? “It’s just… I would have loved to meet you back then. To do this.” He looks at their hands, still intertwined. “It sucks that we met just now. But I like it nonetheless.”

Seungyoun stares at him for what seems to be years. He can’t move. He can’t breathe.

All he can think about is Yohan and the way his eyes look even prettier after having tears on them.

For the first time, Seungyoun thinks about the small possibility of something else behind Yohan’s words. He wants to believe.

And the way Yohan is looking at him, the way he still doesn’t let go of his hand... Maybe he wants it as much as Seungyoun does. Maybe he is hoping too.

Maybe Seungyoun should act on it.

So he leans in, reveling on the way Yohan seems between confused and expectant.

_Maybe we could kiss. Just once._

“Yohannie! Manager Kang says we have to be at her office in 10 minutes. Progress review and all that stuff.”

Wooseok’s voice makes them both jump immediately on their seats, Yohan pulling apart faster than he could even realize. Yohan’s face is entirely red now, mumbling a small ‘thank you’ before running away, papers at hand.

Wooseok raises an eyebrow at that, but he follows the younger’s lead.

Seungyoun stays right there, one hand on his knee and the other one still waiting to touch Yohan’s face. His heart is racing violently on his chest.

( _Fuck_.)

* * *

After what Seungyoun calls slip #2, they get along so easily that, if anyone could see them, they’d think they have met since childhood.

They work together in OUI’s studio during weekdays, Seungyoun lighting up because, after an insanely amount of meetings with the company’s directors about ridiculous clashes of ideas, the songs are close to being finished. Details are decided over coffee— or smoothies in Yohan’s case.

Yohan calls him at midnight because he finally finished his lyrics and, after some days, his song is done too. And it’s pretty good in Seungyoun’s thinking, although he can’t promise he’s not been biased.

Sometimes (well, a lot of times, according to Seungwoo) they meet each other during weekends. Whether it is to go to the museum ( _hyung, can you create a song from art as well?_ ), to play videogames ( _I’m telling you, Yohan, I’ll sabotage your debut if you keep beating me on Mario Kart_ ), or to talk outside of Yohan’s apartment; they spend hours and hours together. They laugh, they hold hands casually (like at that one time where they were watching a movie, Yohan got scared, and things just _happened_.)

They get along so easily that it’s almost scary.

Even so, they don’t stop. 

(Seungyoun can’t stop.)

* * *

Sometimes, Seungyoun catches Yohan staring at him.

The first time was in the middle of a lunch break. Seungyoun decided to stay in that day, given the fact that Seungwoo prepared his lunch as the parent he always tries to deny he is.

He was singing to some high-pitched song, eyes closed as he usually is when he sings something. He likes to let the melody engraves itself on his own skin.

He could feel something, but he didn’t want to move, so he pretended it didn’t exist.

Eventually, the feeling is amplified and Seungyoun gets tired of it, so he turns around to ask, as politely as he can, for some privacy. Wooseok really should let him live.

He doesn’t find Wooseok when he turns around.

What he actually finds is Yohan, who looks so mesmerized that it causes weird things to Seungyoun’s heart.

Yohan snaps out of his trance immediately, his skin blushing when he turns around.

“I- I forgot my keys. Sorry.”

Seungyoun doesn’t know how to respond.

It’s just like that for a couple of times, Seungyoun turning around in the exact moment Yohan is looking at him, the younger blushing more with each time.

Until one day, when he doesn’t.

He stops looking away and, instead, stares back. He doesn’t blush anymore either. He just stares.

Seungyoun pretends those moments don’t make his legs shake.

But he is the one looking away now, his heart beating so much he is afraid the whole room can hear it. He’s sure Wooseok can, though. He is pretty sure he knows.

Wooseok is considerate enough to not bring it up when they talk as well, and Seungyoun appreciates that.

He doesn’t appreciate Yohan making his brain melt with his eyes, though.

Those big, amazing, fierce eyes that can make his world spin around and have him feeling like a child with their first love.

Seungyoun hates how there are some times when he can’t even avoid those eyes, drowning into them for what feels like ages.

(Seungyoun desperately tries to avoid thinking about the meaning of that. He’s afraid he may go insane.

Perhaps he already is.)

* * *

“Hyung, what do you usually think of when you compose?”

They are at a park, almost outside of Seoul, both on their backs and stargazing. Yohan had mentioned before that he wanted to show Seungyoun his favorite place in the city, and now that they are finally there, Seungyoun cannot help but agree with the younger.

The place is amazing. He can even hear how the wind makes the trees shake a little, and he loves that sound.

Seungyoun turns his head to look at Yohan, meeting a pair of eyes that look at him attentively. He smiles before proceeding.

“Why? Do you think about something when you do?”

“Hm," Yohan nods. “But I don’t have as much experience as you do, so I want the word of the expert!”

Seungyoun doesn’t really have to think a lot about that, words flowing easily only because music is the one thing he is entirely sure about.

“I think there’s music on everything we have around us. The drops of water when it rains? A sad smile on my way home? That couple that always fights on the apartment next to mine? Everyone has their own melody, their own track. Sometimes I focus on that and an idea comes to my mind immediately.”

The way Yohan is looking at him, with such big eyes as if Seungyoun would be giving him the secret to conquering the world, is all he needs to feel confident enough to continue.

“Also I believe we all have songs inside us. A melody if you want to call it like that. Seungwoo, my best friend, is definitely a ballad. Sometimes I can see people and, instead of thinking about them as people, I think about them as music. Music on the way they talk, on their eyes, on the way they walk. I see someone, sometimes, and the melody they exude is so much intense, to the point where I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s then when I take out my phone, record a voice note to myself and then I work on it. But it’s different for every person, Yohan. I don’t want you to try to emulate what I do because you think you have to.”

“Someone is afraid I’ll use his secret?” Yohan jokes, going silent for a while after that. He looks pensive, and Seungyoun decides the younger must be collecting his thoughts, so he stays quiet as well. 

Instead, he keeps looking at the stars. They shine beautifully tonight.

Almost as much as Yohan’s eyes.

“In my case, I don’t think I have found someone with a presence as strong as you mention to have a melody about…” Yohan starts, Seungyoun immediately looking at him. “But I understand about looking at people and getting something else. It’s colors for me, though."

“Colors?” Seungyoun repeats, turning to look at him. That’s new.

Yohan only smiles at the confused look Seungyoun sends him, looking at his own hands, like he’s ashamed of admitting it.

“I mean… I look at people, and everyone has their own colors. You have seen Wooseok hyung, right? Well, the first time I saw him I knew he was red. Scratch that, he is red. Not dark red, not a lighter one. The bloodiest red you can think of.”

“And what does it means that he is red?” Seungyoun asks, his curiosity peaking up. “Is there something that makes him red or?”

Yohan pouts, thinking for a couple of seconds. He is obnoxiously cute.

“See, that’s the part I’m still trying to figure out. So far I know this is some kind of way for me to know if I’ll like someone more or less. I never liked someone red before Wooseok hyung. Red people, I think, are pretty ambitious, like him. But I think they are usually strong as hell as well. I don’t think I have to elaborate on this, you know him.”

Seungyoun wonders for a little while.

“What color am I, Yohan?”

Yohan blushes, or maybe is Seungyoun’s whipped ass that is playing tricks on him, but his heart skips a bit nonetheless.

“It was... different with you,” Yohan’s voice is barely audible now, causing Seungyoun to scoop closer to him. “I think you are the first person I have found that caused me a headache.”

Yohan smiles, and Seungyoun is not sure if he’s making fun or him or what. Or if giving him a headache is a good thing.

The younger giggles at how confused Seungyoun seems to be.

“It took me a while to sort that out in the beginning, your color I mean. But I have thought about it as much as I can when I’m on my bed, and I really think you are both orange and blue.”

Seungyoun wonders whether he should ask about the colors or, instead, about the fact that Yohan has thought about him on his bed. Which, for the record, is not good for his heart.

He decides the first inquiry is more socially accepted.

“Two colors?”

“I know,” Yohan shrugs, almost laughing. “You were such an enigma since I met you, that I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

_That I couldn’t stop thinking about you_ , Seungyoun’s mind repeats.

Unknowingly of the power of his words over Seungyoun, Yohan keeps going.

“The day when I met you, for example. You were orange, and I was happy because not a lot of people are orange. But the next day you were blue? I thought I was going crazy or something. As we were going to work together, I made it my mission to figure out your color, and it was hard as hell. Eventually, I just had to accept that people can be two colors at the same time. Or maybe it is a you thing? I still don’t know.”

Seungyoung won’t say it, but he’s shocked. There are plenty of colors, and Yohan had to choose his two favorite colors.

That can’t be a coincidence.

“How did you decide?” he asks, breathless, but doing his best to hide it.

“At dawn. I couldn’t sleep, so I went outside. I thought of you and I didn’t understand why. But then… I looked at the sky, and the colors were there, and it hit me that you were like a sunrise.”

Seungyoun bites his lower lip, doing his best to suppress a silent scream.

He has to be making this up.

Yeah, probably he passed out on his couch thinking about Yohan.

But this Yohan looks at him as he is waiting for something, so Seungyoun swallows his doubts and keeps asking.

“What does it means that I’m both blue and orange?”

“Hm, that’s a good one, but I know already. You are like a lighthouse;” he answers without a doubt. “People can’t run away from you. Or, well, at least I know I couldn’t. The more I knew about you, the more we hanged out, the more I needed to know. It was frustrating as well as it was fascinating, and I just couldn’t stop snooping around.”

Yohan seems to be talking more to himself than to Seungyoun this time, for some reason. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t notice Seungyoun getting even closer to him, so much only a few inches are separating them.

Seungyoun feels lightheaded.

“I felt as if I needed to decipher you. People are usually easy to read, you know? Once you know what drives them, they are all easy to read. Even when Hangyul says that I only say it because I tend to overthink a lot, I’m pretty good at reading people. But it was really hard with you. Either I was reading too much or too little, and it was tiring because I couldn’t get something I was satisfied with. That’s until I realized.”

The number of seconds Yohan waits are like years to Seungyoun.

“You were not supposed to be read, but felt.” Seungyoun feels a shiver running through his spine. “To be lived if you want to call it that way. I really don’t know how to explain it, because I have never met anyone like you, anyone I felt something like this from before.”

Seungyoun has to be dreaming. He pinches himself as subtly as he can, only to find out that he’s not.

He is very much awake.

And everything Yohan is saying sounds really similar to a love confession.

Seungyoun leans towards Yohan, resting his head on one of his own hands. Yohan does nothing about it, like he didn’t even realize.

“I know it sounds weird- to be felt instead of understood. I just think… scratch that, I know, that if I try to understand you, I won’t be able to do so. I don’t know how, but I know that’s not what I am supposed to do with you, with people like you. What I do know is that you have to be felt on the skin, on the heart, on the soul. You are supposed to connect with people in a way just a few can. You are supposed to be lived because nothing could contain what you really are, hyung.”

Once he’s finished, Yohan closes his eyes for a few seconds, still not aware of how close they are. But as soon as he opens his eyes again it’s like it hits him, and there is the blush that Seungyoun likes so much. Yohan looks to the side, everywhere but Seungyoun, and something on the elder finally snaps on him at that.

He really wants to kiss Yohan.

Maybe he’ll get fired. But he can’t stop.

And maybe Yohan is worth risking it all for.

“Yohan.”

“Y-yes?” Yohan clears his throat, blush reaching his ears. Seungyoun wants to nip on them so bad.

“Can I kiss you?”

Yohan jumps on his position, eyes growing bigger. Seungyoun stays still, trying to convey his emotions with his eyes. He’s still painfully close to Yohan, to the way he bites his lips without even knowing. He’s painfully close, but he can’t move forward until Yohan allows him to do so.

Oh, and does Yohan takes his time on letting him do it.

The first thing Yohan does is just stare back, blankly, quietly, like if he’s giving the elder time to back off. Seungyoun’s eyes must be convincing enough, though, because then Yohan looks down on his face. Seungyoun feels his face burning a little bit, and his heart is about to explode inside him at this rate. 

Even then, he doesn’t move. He’s afraid he’ll ruin the moment if he does so.

About fifteen heartbeats later, Yohan stops looking nervous. He stares at Seungyoun’s eyes again, a small smile raising the corners of his mouth, and then nods.

This is dangerous.

But as Seungyoun is finally able to touch Yohan’s face, his hand almost trembling over the fact that _damn, he’s caressing Yohan’s face_ , he can’t bring himself to care. Because Yohan’s lips are soft and plump and are finally on his own, and Seungyoun is feeling butterflies all over his stomach, and Yohan is pulling his hair and moving his lips against Seungyoun’s and it’s perfect.

The kiss is long, but not long enough in Seungyoun’s opinion. When they pull apart, Yohan stays millimeters apart from him, eyes closed, and he sighs contently.

And that is way too much for Seungyoun, so he grabs the other’s head, pulling him into another kiss. This time Yohan is even more enthusiastic, biting his lower lip and slipping his tongue into Seungyoun’s mouth, all of this while letting out soft giggles that melt the older’s mind.

Seungyoun is wrecked, and Yohan is only kissing him.

By the time they finally separate to breathe properly, Yohan’s lips are swollen and his pupils look dilated. Seungyoun tries really hard not to stare at that.

They are still in an open area, and the last thing he wants is for the younger to have a dating scandal before even debuting.

Yohan stares at him again, only to burst into laughter. Seungyoun finds himself laughing, too.

“We should go back now.”

“And if I don’t want us to?”

“Hyung.”

“Okay,” he surrenders. “We should go back now.”

Perhaps Seungyoun is whipped. Seungwoo, who is updated about The Situation two hours later, is sure he is, but Seungyoun likes to think he’s not.

After all, Yohan is temporary. This is a job, and as much as Seungyoun’s legs go weak when he looks at him for more than three seconds, this will all probably be temporary, too.

And Seungyoun knows it is not common for companies to use the same producer for two albums on a row.

They will say goodbye to each other soon, he repeats himself.

Yeah, it’s probably better if this is only a one-time thing.

(It ends up being more than that. It doesn’t take long for Seungyoun to kindly offer Yohan to drop him on his place after a workday, and whoops they make out in his apartment. They make out while on the studio, then they make out while on something that looks pretty close to a date. Eventually, they end up making out every chance they get, even when that means hiding in Yohan’s training room. Or in a supply closet. 

Seungyoun still likes to think he can control it.)

* * *

“N-no marks.”

“Boring.”

Seungyoun nips at the other’s skin, being careful enough not to leave any marks, enjoying the way Yohan still trembles each time. Even when the younger hits him, he only laughs a little bit, flicking his tongue and reminding Yohan that _good boys don’t hit people_.

Seungyoun really likes this position. He has learned that Yohan likes it too. Yohan on his legs, lips moving in sync, erection strained on his pants, an endless amount of moans leaving the younger’s mouth. Moans that become whines when Seungyoun pulls apart.

Seungyoun feels hot, and one look at Yohan tells him that the trainee is no better than him.

But it’s three o’clock, and they are in the middle of the studio, so they should really be working. Unless they want to be found by Wooseok, or worse.

Trying to avoid thinking about how Yohan was just on top of him, head thrown back, his nails digging into Seungyoun’s shirt as if his life depended on it, Seungyoun focuses on the work they still have pending.

It doesn’t help that Yohan decided it was a good day to wear eyeliner, but he is a professional producer. And his horny side won’t win over his passion for music.

At least he hopes so.

(Soon enough Seungyoun learns that Yohan loves to tease and to be teased. 

Oh, how many songs Seungyoun could compose only about Yohan dry humping him.)

* * *

Intimacy is a weird concept, Yohan being a trainee. Seungyoun always tells him that he will be _the_ idol, but Yohan only shakes his head.

Seungyoun is biased, but he’s sure about this. Yohan will be one of the hottest idols out there. Both because of his popularity and because he’s hot. Really hot.

Like when he pushes Seungyoun into the chair, not wasting time on unbuttoning his shirt, look mischievous and excited.

Like when he jumps into him, begging to ride him. In the middle of the studio. Where anyone could see them if they’d enter the room. Where Seungyoun has to kiss Yohan while the younger moves up and down on his length, moans being swallowed in the kiss.

Intimacy seems so far, yet they are able to make the most out of every situation.

Whether it is in his car, in the studio, or close to a recording site Seungyoun is conveniently close to, they really make the most out of every situation.

(This is the first time Seungyoun has been so turned on by a person. Another proof, according to Seungwoo, of how whipped he is.)

* * *

“F-fuck."

“Language, baby."

Yohan hits him, but it’s so weak that Seungyoun cannot help but laugh.

“You like to play though any time but here, huh? You will have the whole country on the palm of your hand, but you turn into a begging mess the minute I do this,” Seungyoun touches the younger’s cock to emphasize his words.

Yohan’s eyes water, Seungyoun feeling amazingly powerful at that.

When Yohan finally speaks, his voice is so low that, for a second, Seungyoun thinks he’s imagining it. That is until he repeats himself.

“Touch me.”

Seungyoun smirks.

(They both come not long after, Yohan screaming his name and Seungyoun biting the younger’s shoulder to stop his own moans. Yohan is warm, so warm it makes Seungyoun go insane.)

* * *

To Seungyoun, Yohan is like lava. It comes unexpectedly, filling his heart, and his body, in a way that finds the older helpless to his power. Seungyoun is terrified, but at the same time, he has never felt warmer.

“I-It can wait,” Seungyoun whimpers, Yohan shaking his head in a way that would have Seungyoun laughing if he weren’t so painfully hard.

Yohan unbuttons Seungyoun’s pants as fast as he can, only answering once he’s on his knees, eyelashes batting playfully.

“No, it can not.”

Seungyoun groans, completely aware of how it really cannot wait.

Seungyoun raises his head back when Yohan sits on top of him, biting his lower lip. They are in the studio, one of the places that Seungyoun has found Yohan really likes when they have sex.

Seungyoun would love to say he’s complaining, but he’s not. At all.

“Fuck, Yohan,” he says as he closes his eyes.

Yohan giggles.

(Maybe what he loves the most out of the sex is the way even the Yohan’s giggles get breathless.)

* * *

Watching Yohan while he sleeps is kinda creepy, he knows. But also it’s one of his favorite things to do when they can sleep together. It won’t be much, but he likes it.

Yohan is like lava, like the sun, or like a star. And the best way to absorb all that is to look at him, at nights like those.

When Yohan is sleeping, Seungyoun can stare at him freely, without him blushing or hitting him out of embarrassment. His eyelids, his eyelashes. The way he wrinkles his nose when he’s dreaming about something, or how his eyebrows move because of the same reason. How he would smile a little bit when he has a good dream, how he wraps his arm around Seungyoun unknowingly when he is starting to have a bad one instead. How, sometimes, he mumbles Seunyoun’s name.

Seungyoun can’t remember the last he felt like he does right now.

His body feels warm, but his heart is just as much.

At times like those, Seungyoun allows himself to think about how their lives could be. In another time, another universe. Would Yohan still like him? Seungyoun likes to think he would.

  
  


Maybe Yohan would be the taekwondo athlete he wanted to. Maybe Seungyoun would play soccer, and maybe they’d meet each other at any sports event they could find. Maybe they could tease each other in public, maybe they could go out on dates as normal couples do.

They are not a couple, but Seungyoun has always been a dreamer.

And Yohan is… well, like an angel. And his heart beats as fast as Seungyoun’s when they are together. And Seungyoun has never felt more alive in his entire life. 

Seungyoun likes to stay awake, even if, eventually, he always falls asleep. He doesn’t want to miss anything.

He’s head over heels.

It’s on one of those endless nights, after the replayed Hamilton for the nth time, Yohan naked and on his arms, that Seungyoun realizes something he already knew. something Seungwoo knows too. Something his music has been showing lately.

He really likes Yohan.

Hell.

* * *

Three Saturdays after The Incident (that's how both Seungwoo and Hangyul decided to call the kiss), Seungyoun opens his front door to find a box on his doorstep.

It’s plain white, and Seungyoun has a hunch about what it may be.

He bends down, taking no time in opening it, quickly confirming his thoughts.

> _**hi, hyung. i have tickets to an amazing singer’s debut showcase! Let’s call it a date. Dinner is on me. See ya!** _

Seungyoun feels his cheeks warm at that, smiling proudly at what are Yohan’s own showcase’ tickets.

“Seungwoo,” he says as he re-enters the house, phone on his hand, and with that familiar weird thing his heart does every time Yohan is involved. “Do you remember where did you get the bouquet you gave Hangyul when he debuted?”

(Seungyoun makes sure to get the prettiest bouquet on earth, not stopping until he knows everything he is sure to choose both Begonias and Delphiniums. And, of course, a Lilium. Because Yohan himself is yellow, to him.)

* * *

He drags Seungwoo with him to the showcase.

Seungyoun sees, unsurprisingly, that there are many more people than what Yohan himself anticipated.

Good thing. He wants the whole world to know how talented Yohan is.

As the lights go off, “Stand Up” starting to play on the background, Seungyoun finds it hard to swallow.

He wonders whether Yohan is just as nervous as he is, maybe even more. That’s all it takes for him to send a quick text to him. Just in case.

> **you got this. ♡**

Two more minutes and Yohan is finally on the place he always belonged to, even if he didn’t know yet: the stage. He is wearing a black suit with a white shirt, simple but sophisticated, one that makes him look absolutely gorgeous. Seungyoun feels his mouth dry.

As “Love shock”— the title song, starts, Seungyoun swears it was absolutely worth the wait.

This is actually the first time he is seeing Yohan dance since he wouldn’t allow him to before. In fact, he wasn’t even allowed to go into the dance practice room.

_You’ll laugh, hyung. I want to get better at this before you see me._

He definitely doesn’t want to laugh.

Seungyoun swallows hard, eyes fixated on the way Yohan’s body moves, on how his body rolls are amazingly similar as when he was on top of Seungyoun.

Yohan’s lips look swollen, and now he’s on the floor, doing something that is way too similar as to when he rode the elder on the studio.

He can’t look away.

The song doesn’t last long enough, and Seungyoun cannot help but wish they made it longer. He is, also, not sure if what is resounding on his ears are his own heartbeats or the cheers from the public. Maybe it’s both.

“Hi! My name is Yohan and I’ll be OUI’s new soloist. I hope you take really good care of me!”

Seungyoun feels an awkward flashback, his mind going back to when they met. Yohan’s eyes were shining harder than the only shooting star he has seen on his entire life.

It’s the same now, as he can see through the screen.

Only that, for once, it’s not only his eyes that are shining.

Is the whole soloist.

Seungyoun remembers how his heart jumped out of his chest to fall into the younger’s tiny hands, how his throat got dry. How looking at his eyes was both torture and bliss.

How his world is still spinning around ever since, how he doesn’t seem to be able to escape.

How he denied what he was feeling for almost two months, focusing only on the album to protect his own heart from falling. Didn’t work out well.

How everyone knew what was going on. From Seungwoo to Hangyul, to even Wooseok.

How he was only able to breathe properly when he finally kissed Yohan, how that gave him the sanity he needed to.

How every kiss with Yohan leaves him feeling warm, his heart flying like a little hummingbird.

Maybe he doesn’t want to escape at all.

It’s only then, remembering all of those memories in a flash, in front of almost thirty-thousand people, with Yohan now moving on to sing his self-written song, that Seungyoun realizes something Seungwoo told him about a week before.

Something that, if he has to say the truth, he already knew.

Something every single song he has created since he met Yohan knows, too.

He is truly, madly, _deeply_ in love with Yohan.

(That day they get dinner together as they planned— after they met Yohan’s family. Seungyoun is dying to write a confession letter and give it to him with the flower bouquet but he doesn’t, not wanting to taint Yohan’s successful day with something about the not-actually-defined relationship they have.

_There’s plenty of time_ , he repeats himself.)

* * *

People name it “The Yohan era.”

Yohan establishes himself as a record-breaker soloist with his debut album, both in sales and streaming. “Quantum: The Beginning” is a huge success, as Seungyoun claimed it would be.

Yohan is ecstatic. He sings and dances and models for a lot of cosmetic brands.

Yohan says, usually, it all feels like a fever dream. And Seungyoun hopes he can dream together with Yohan for a long, long time.

(Seungyoun won’t say it, but he supports the younger in any way he can. Whether it is buying the perfume he was promoting or getting a magazine, he doesn’t care.

He would do anything to maintain the shine on Yohan’s eyes.)

* * *

Yohan was born to be an idol. Wooseok really has an eye for this kind of things.

Seungyoun is happy. Now Yohan won’t stop talking about something he did on one of the broadcasts, and Seungyoun cannot help but kiss his forehead at almost any word.

He is devastatingly proud.

Seungyoun is definitely happy.

(And, like any other good thing, happiness can’t last forever.)

* * *

It’s on a Friday that everything falls apart. A little more than a month after Yohan debuted.

They were careless, Seungyoun thinks.

He forgot how cruel the idol world could be. And, of course, Yohan was not supposed to know. Both because he is a sweetheart who sees only the good thing on people, and because he is a rookie.

Yohan had been dying to watch a movie for almost three weeks, dragging Seungyoun to the cinema on his first day off. It was a discrete one, as both Seungwoo and Hangyul recommended him.

Everything was good on the way home, Yohan even daring to intertwine his fingers with Seungyoun’s when he was sure there was no one to look at them.

“I wish you could stay,” the younger says once they are at his apartment’s complex door, the tiny pout Seungyoun loves so much emphasizing his words. Seungyoun pouts too, his deadlines seeming less interesting than an afternoon cuddling with Yohan.

But he has work to do, so that’s not negotiable. 

Looking at the way Yohan was batting his eyelashes at him, he really wanted to say it.

_Hey, I realized I'm in love with you. No pressure, though. You can take as much time as you need to fall in love with me too. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Totally cool, bro._

Seungyoun smiles, forgetting everything around them as he raises his hand to caress Yohan’s face. Seungyoun feels his heart dancing as Yohan lights up at that.

Until he doesn’t.

Instead, he sees Yohan’s eyes dilating with panic. For a second Seungyoun is afraid he did something wrong, so he opens his mouth to ask what happened. And then he realizes.

Yohan is not looking at him. He is looking at something behind Seungyoun. So he turns around, not sure about what he is looking for.

And then he freezes right on the spot.

Someone is looking directly at them.

“Inside, now.” Seungyoun whispers. The stalker doesn’t seem to have a camera or something that could compromise Yohan, but he still feels terrified.

Once he enters the younger’s apartment, he realizes he’s not the only one like that.

Yohan is sitting on the couch, silent tears falling from his eyes, his body shaking violently.

He spends the night there, comforting Yohan in any way he can. Yet he is brought back to the harsh reality.

Yohan, his Yohan, is an idol. First and foremost.

A rookie one.

And idols aren’t supposed to date. Especially once they are starting their careers.

To the general public, dating means you don’t value your career that much. That you are not willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your dream.

  
Seungyoun hates that they think that way.

(Yet he can’t shake the feeling of doing something he’s not allowed to. Or, worst, doing something that can harm Yohan.)

* * *

The next two weeks are the worst in Seungyoun’s life.

He logs online, on all the websites he and Wooseok always taught Yohan not to look into. He searches every netizen’s site, every trashy tabloid. 

What he finds is just as terrifying as the stalker they saw.

Even when the stalker doesn’t seem to have taken any pictures, there is a single post about Yohan and the way he blushes when they talk about a love affair. And, while there are tons of comments that state that’s just the way Yohan is, there are also a lot of comments speculating over a possible relationship.

Seungyoun reads each and every one of them, frantically searching for something that may tell him they have any clue about his relationship with Yohan. Two hours later, he has nothing but a heavy heart.

Yes, he didn’t find anything. But it feels like he did.

And he is really worried about Yohan.

  
(They both talk to Wooseok, the smaller guy reassuring them that everything will be alright. That they’ll give Yohan a bodyguard if that’s what it takes. Wooseok repeats over and over that no one will know about Yohan’s relationship status.

Seungyoun is not so sure about that.)

* * *

“I don’t think I can do this.”

He tries not to focus on the way Yohan’s eyes waters.

Or in the way his own heart hurts.

Yohan wears his heart on his sleeve, and this is no exception. Seungyoun can almost see the way his heart breaks, how confusion and sadness hit him at the same time.

Seungyoun wants to disappear.

He hates himself.

But he can’t do it.

He’s not strong, he’s not like Yohan.

He cannot go around like him, falling in love, blooming like a flower, trusting in anyone around him. He can’t stop himself from being afraid.

And as he walks out of the park they were in for the picnic date, Seungyoun tries to wipe the tears from his eyes to no avail.

His heart is shouting him that’s not the decision he had to make. That he should be just as strong as Seungwoo. Kind, fearless Seungwoo.

Unless he is not.

He’s only Seungyoun, afraid and desperate and terrified to realize his feelings for Yohan are as big as a skyscraper.

And he doesn’t want to ruin Yohan, doesn’t want to ruin something the younger worked so hard for. Something he loves with his whole heart.

He doesn’t want to misstep and expose them for society to judge them nonstop.

He’s fine with that, he can handle bad people. He can handle hatred.

But he knows Yohan can’t. Or that he doesn’t want him to go through that.

So, if what it takes to make Yohan stop liking him, to make him stop blushing every time someone mentions any type of love affair on a program he’s into…

If that’s what it takes to make the netizens stop stalking Yohan, waiting to find any mistake they can get their hands into to make Yohan crumble, to shatter down his dreams…

Then he’ll gladly pay the price.

The only thing he can’t deal with is being the reason Yohan lost his uprising career. He will be fine, Seungyoun is sure about that.

He has to believe that Yohan will be alright, or he’ll go insane.

(Even so, he doesn’t stop crying. Not even when he drives. He has to be thankful he’s able to make it home safe.)

* * *

As with any cliche romantic drama, Seungyoun finds it hard to do anything slightly related to Yohan. He also has to request a few days off his newest project. His pain is not only emotional. It’s also physical; if the heaviness on his heart tells him something.

Even watching musicals is hard, since he and Yohan would often stay in his apartment watching anyone Seungyoun would be obsessed about at the moment. He used to do it for fun before that, by himself, every week, but now he can’t stop the tears from falling as he hears Eliza singing _Burn_.

He doesn’t want to erase himself from Yohan’s narrative. But he thinks he flew too close to the sun, and now it is his time to go downhill.

He shouldn’t be suffering. After all, he was the one who forfeited the right to complain when he broke things himself.

But he is nonetheless.

He also finds himself driving to the park where Yohan took him more often than he would like to admit.

Like today, where he just took his keys, ran off his own house, and drove all the way there. He didn’t eat, he didn’t drink anything. When he realized, he was at that damn park.

He hates himself.

And he had never hated himself since his own dark era.

As he sits down on the place where they shared their first kiss, Seungyoun stares at the sky. It’s dark, just like that night, the only light around being the one coming from the stars.

Seungyoun likes this place.

But he liked it better when he came in with Yohan, to kiss and to have a picnic or just to camp. He liked it better with Yohan.

If he closes his eyes, he can still feel the other’s scent on his skin. So that’s what he does, letting the tears go down his face.

(He leaves the place three hours later, when everything gets too much to handle.)

* * *

“You’re an idiot. I hope you know that.”

“What for?”

Not like he doesn’t know. He does.

“You both had something. Something good. Something you spent your whole life looking for even when you want to deny it. And you let that go because it can harm his career? How old is he, 19? Idols date in secret 24/7 right now. You know that almost first hand because of me and you had to back off?”

Seungyoun cannot bring himself to talk about it to Seungwoo, not yet.

  
So he only cries his heart out, Seungwoo running to him immediately to whisper comforting words to his ears.

(Seungyoun hopes that, maybe on their next life, Yohan won’t be an idol on such a prejudiced society.)

* * *

Seungwoo makes it his job to go to the bar with him every time Seungyoun needs a drink. He doesn’t ask any questions, only drinking a glass of wine like the old stiff man he is.

Seungyoun is relieved to have him. But he also wonders if Yohan will have someone next to him, too.

He hopes he does. Wooseok loves Yohan with his whole heart, so he’s a good option.

Thinking about it, it’s been a month since the last time he saw the younger. He knows he shouldn’t be counting, but here he is.

Well, he has seen Yohan, if the TV shows he can’t avoid counts.

Seungyoun has had about five tequila shots when Seungwoo finally breaks the silence.

“Why don’t you just call him?”

Seungyoun was expecting this. He stares down to his glass, remembering how there was another burning sensation on his throat he was used to. Something only Yohan had made him feel.

It’s been a month, and now his heart doesn’t tap or do anything weird on his chest. He kind of misses the feeling. Now it only pumps blood.

Seungwoo gives him time, in a way that tells Seungyoun that he’s not going to drop the subject.

Seungyoun was really expecting this.

“I am scared.”

“What for?”

Seungyoun doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels Seungwoos hand on his face, comforting him without a word.

God, he’s really crying at a bar. That must be a new record.

“I just…” he trails off, trying to focus while Seungwoo lends him a tissue. “I have never dreamt about anything the way I did with my music career. But then Yohan happened and… I’ve never felt like this, never.”

“I got scared when I remembered how things change,” he trails off. “How there was a reason I always knew I don’t want to be an idol. How… how people judge you, how they try to sabotage you. I hate the industry, hyung. As hypocrite as it sounds since I benefit from it. But now… I have never felt the way I do with Yohan about anyone. I don’t even need to date him. I already did and as amazing, wonderful and unbelievable it was, I know I can move on with a broken heart. But I know I would not be able to continue if I am the reason his whole career is thrown out of the window.”

Seungwoo sighs, placing his elbows on the table and intertwining his own hands. Seungyoun almost wants to comment that he’s not really sure if the place is clean enough for him to do that, but the look on the older’s face tells him he should just let it slide.

Instead, he readies himself for the pep talk.

“I understand where you are coming from, but I think that’s a choice you don’t get to do by yourself. Yohan is a grown-ass man, Seungyoun, if the fact that I jumped into him sucking you off in the kitchen _twice_ shows any sign of it.” Seungyoun almost chokes on his drink, that being one of the things he tries not to think about. “And I know you love him. Love is not only about protecting the person you care about, but also respecting them to make decisions, as risky as they can be. He deserves you treating him as the adult he is.”

“But-”

“Think about it the other way around,” he cuts Seungyoun off. “You are the idol this time, for some weird reason. Yohan breaks up with you, not giving you a proper explanation, not answering your calls. What would you think?”

Seungyoun doesn’t like where this is going.

“You think…” he hesitates to even say it, the options just way too dumb on his head. “You think he may think I played him?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he does, to be honest. But we’re going off track. You find out Yohan only broke up to protect you and your career. And as much as that proves Yohan is as in love as you are, that also means he made such an important choice for your relationship without letting you know about it. What would you feel, even if he meant well?”

“I…” Seungyoun looks defeated. “I think I’d feel left out.”

“Exactly.”

Seungyoun wishes he could take it all back.

“I- I don’t know what to do.”

“Talk to him,” Seungwoo repeats himself, tone sweeter this time. “Just go ahead and tell him you are an idiot. He’ll get it.”

“And what if he doesn’t want to risk his career?”

“You talk as if you don’t know Yohan looks at you with literal hearts on his eyes,” he giggles. “The boy is just as whipped as you.”

(Seungyoun desperately wants to believe him.)

* * *

It takes him two more weeks to finally gather the strength he needs to talk to Yohan, his mind always playing tricks on him, making him doubt Yohan even wants to see him again.

That is until he receives a call from Seungwoo.

“Idiot.”

“Hello to you too, Seungwoo hyung.”

“You better unblock Yohan from twitter. He posted something and you’ll want to see it.”

Seungyoun is actually afraid, but Seungwoo is his best friend in the world and if he says he has to unblock Yohan, then so be it.

It’s not like he wasn’t looking for a reason to do it himself.

Taking a deep breath, he logs onto twitter, almost shaking when he presses the “unblock” button.

And then he reads it.

> **@y_haa.n**
> 
> _Hi, Yorangadans! A surprise single is out! Please check out and give tons of love to ‘wood(z)’! This is my first time doing everything on my own: lyrics, composing and arrangments, so I'm a little nervous. ; ; Do you like it? I guess you can all tell I had a really good teacher, huh~. I hope you love it as much as I do, sunrise. 🧡💙_

Seungyoun stares blankly at his screen for a whole five minutes, still trying to figure out if he’s right.

_You are my sunrise_ , he clearly remembers Yohan telling him once, wrapping his arm around his waist one day when he bought the younger mint choco ice cream. _I can’t stop looking at you because you are my sunrise._

Seungyoun shakes when he clicks on the song’s link.

And he feels tears falling from his eyes as it starts.

Only that, this time, the tears are from happiness.

_“Sunrise, I can’t walk away;_

_please say I get to stay._

_I won’t lie, I’m doing fine._

_But I was better with you by my side._

_Three words I wasn’t able to say to you._

_I hope you can still see it through._

_I love you.”_

(Seungyoun grabs his keys, storming out of the apartment without hesitation.

This is his chance, and he sure as hell is not going to waste it a second time around.)

* * *

Seungyoun makes a mental note to thank Wooseok later. He texted him Yohan’s location without Seungyoun even asking for it.

Maybe it’s not too late.

“Yohan.”

Said man stops on his track, and Seungyoun cannot help but notice how a shiver runs through his body.

Still, he stares for a little bit at him, his heart back to life now that he is finally breathing the same air as Yohan.

Maybe he missed him a little too much.

The seconds the younger takes to finally turn around are like centuries to Seungyoun.

“Oh. Hi, hyung,” his voice sounds unsure, an octave lower than it would usually be. Seungyoun tries to hold his emotions in check.

Seungyoun really wants to kiss him right there, but that may not be the greatest idea. So, instead, he points to the grass, asking him to sit down with him.

“Can we talk?”

He can almost hear Yohan thinking, weighing his options. But he nods, so Seungyoun thinks his chances are not that bad.

Now that Yohan is finally in front of him, eyebrows furrowed and the sad look not leaving his face, Seungyoun feels that it finally hits him how much he missed him.

His eyes water a little but he tries to control it. This is not the time to cry.

“So,” Yohan is definitely not playing around. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I- I’m sorry. I am. I really am,” he blurts out. “I made a terrible mistake by cutting it off. But it was worse because I didn’t explain it to you.”

“You didn’t have to explain anything, hyung,” Yohan cuts him off almost immediately. “If you didn’t feel comfortable saying why you wanted to call it quits, it’s fine. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“But I want to say it, because-”

“And I don’t know if I want to hear it.” Yohan starts to stand up, Seungyoun not knowing what to do. “So maybe is better if we just end this conver-”

“Damn it, Yohan, I love you!”

Yohan freezes, looking at him wide-eyed. His hands are shaking even if he wants to hide it.

“You _what_?”

“I love you, and I’m sorry, but you have to let me explain. I never wanted you to think that I didn’t love you, or like you, or anything like that because, Yohan… you have been the greatest twist in my story.” Yohan is staring dumbly at him, and Seungyoun takes it as his chance to get closer to him and raise his hand enough to be millimeters away from Yohan’s face, waiting for a signal to stop. Since he doesn’t find any, he touches his cheek, feeling a part of him warm up at that. “I made a dumb mistake because I thought it would be better for you to not have a relationship in your line of work. I was afraid someone would find about us and expose you. We were not being really careful and your career is everything to you and… I don’t know. I was stupid.”

Yohan still stares at him silently, searching for any type of lie on Seungyoun’s eyes.

Seungyoun can clearly see the moment Yohan believes what he is saying, as his face lights up on the sweetest of smiles.

“I knew I couldn’t be misreading that you loved me, but then you cut it off and I told myself I wasn’t good enough reading people as I thought but…”

“I was dumb.”

“Yeah, you were. Seungyoun,” Yohan’s expression shifts to something more serious, Seungyoun's anxiety climbing up at that, more than he would like it to. That is until Yohan cups his face with both hands, smile cutely reaching his eyes as he speaks. “I love my career, and I am proud of everything I am doing, but as the song said… I love you. And I don’t think I have to sacrifice part of my happiness to receive another part of it. But there is something I want to know. To be clear… you weren’t talking about dating in secret when you said you couldn’t do it?”

“What? No, I like secret dating,” Seungyoun finds it really hard not to focus on the fact that Yohan told him he loves him.

He really is a weak man.

“Then I don’t want to sacrifice you for anything, hyung. I like dating you. And Wooseok will do anything on his hands to prevent us from getting exposed. Eventually, if it happens… we’ll face it together.”

Seungyoun smiles, feeling the need to lighten the moment before he cries. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend or what?”

“That is exactly what I am asking,” Yohan answers so matter-of-factly that Seungyoun trembles. “You are my sunrise, hyung. And I already spent a whole month without the sunrise. I don’t want to do it again. So, what do you say, record-breaking album producer Cho Seungyoun? Would you be my boyfriend?”

Seungyoun feels like crying, so the only thing he can do is nod. As Yohan kisses him, he can’t stop a single tear from falling.

He is not going to waste this shot.

(They catch up, both kissing and talking, for about three hours until Wooseok calls Yohan, shouting him how he already gave them a lot of free time, but now he needs his artist.

Seungyoun drops Yohan on his house, kissing his forehead before letting him go.

He is happy, and this time, he won’t let the universe take that away from them.)

* * *

“Wait, you know Hangyul?”

Yohan raises an eyebrow at him, laughing softly while he hugs said man.

“Of course? I’m pretty sure I talked to you about him. See, hyung, you never listen!”

Seungyoun looks dumbfounded.

“If it makes you feel better,” Seungwoo intervenes, kissing Hangyul on the cheek as the lovebird he is. “I found out recently as well. Hangyul said that it was fun being the all-knowing character for once.”

“That duo has been around the company a lot recently, you know,” Yohan will tell him later on, after he kissed every tattoo Seungyoun has because he _missed_ worshipping Seunyoun’s body. “I think they have the hots for Wooseok hyung. I saw them with him two days ago and they were totally flirting. Besides, I tried to bring the topic up to Wooseok and he blushed a little. And Wooseok doesn’t blush. Never.”

“Interesting,” Seungyoun responds, a playful grin on his face. “Chaos is ensured, baby. Are you on board?”

“It depends. Are you?”

“You can bet on it.”

“Then I am, too,” Yohan kisses the palm of Seungyoun’s hand, moving closer until he is resting his head on the elder’s chest. “After all, we make a pretty good team.”

(They sure do.)

**Author's Note:**

> This was such a rollercoaster! Prompter, I actually had the intention of finishing it when they broke up, but I couldn't let Yohan and Seungyoun's heart end up being shattered like that.
> 
> I absolutely loved this prompt as soon as I read it, and I hope I made it justice.
> 
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated! Also, you can find me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hwanswow)


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